I’ve been self harm free for 9 months, and i feel like I’m coming back to this place where nothing makes sense. All my thoughts and feelings collide and clash and create one big massive ball of nothing . I feel empty, and lost. It’s sad how the people who give you this damn life are supposed to care for you and love you, yet often they cant even do that. i cant remember the last time my mum and i had a normal conversation, i cant remember the last time she said that she loved me, or that i did something well. nothing i do is ever good enough. It hurts knowing that my real dad doesn’t care about me, and cant even be bothered to reply to my fucking msg on fb which i sent him over a month ago. my step dad said he doesn’t care about me bc i’m not his daughter, and my mum, well idk what i did to her, but she just doesnt care about anything. i feel like she’s blaming me for all her mistakes in life. My real dad has daughter she’s younger than me, she has everything, my step dad has a daughter too she’s older, she gets everything she needs, my mum and step dad theyt have a kid too she’s 4 and is probably the only person i love in my family, yeah she gets everything she need to. And i get all the shit. Some times i wish i was never born, actually i get that a lot. not only do i get pushed away by my family, but my friends too. People and teachers in school just think im thick. It makes me feel like im not good enough for anybody. And then this has an effect on my daily life, because i dont trust people, and doubt everything around me. Mostly myself and my abilities. Its sad how people who are you family, can become people you hate the most.
i’m scared and lost because the thoughts about self harm and suicide are coming back and i just dont know what to do.